Gorgeous

So the other morning I was getting around for work. I had just finished taking a shower and had gotten dressed. I was in the bathroom finishing up when I noticed that my wife was beginning to wake up. Our bathroom is attached directly to our bedroom so you can easily see into the bedroom. As my wife was beginning to stir she glanced up, saw me and smiled. Ahhh, doesn’t she look sweet. I’m touched. My response to her was to simply say “Good Morning Gorgeous”. The words hadn’t even finished crossing my lips when she blurted out “Hey, you can’t call me gorgeous! Only my customer Tom calls me gorgeous. You always call me beautiful; you’re supposed to call me beautiful – not gorgeous.” Well Good Morning to you too.

I’m dumfounded. Immediately I think to myself; what do you mean I can’t call you gorgeous? Why is another man calling you gorgeous? Why are you letting him? Worse yet do you like it? Where did these rules for pet names come from and how come I’m just now finding out about them? How come I get stuck with ‘beautiful’, I like ‘gorgeous’ better – can I change? Do I need to submit this request to change from ‘beautiful’ to ‘gorgeous’ in writing? Will it have to go before some type of committee to get approved? Gasp – Will it cost me money?

I’m confused, hurt and….a bit jealous. Of course all of this is happening in jest and I know my wife is teasing me. My wife says to me “Honey, you never have called me gorgeous in over 20 years of marriage.” Ouch – that stings – she may have a point. She continues by saying “You always call me beautiful and I like it. My customer Tom calls me gorgeous just to butter me up to get an appointment. For goodness sakes he’s old enough to be my dad! I’m just used to you calling me ‘beautiful’ – you understand don’t you honey?” Now I know Tom and he has been one of Kathy’s best customers for years. He’s a good guy, I like him. I’ve even been out fishing with him on his charter boat. But calling my wife gorgeous – come on!

I try to plead my case with her “No, I don’t understand. You’re my wife and I can call you whatever I want, even gorgeous!” She’s now laughing at me, which frustrates me even further. I continue by saying “Things are gonna change around here missy! You’re no longer ‘beautiful’ – you’re ‘gorgeous’ – you got that? You’re gorgeous and that’s what I’m going to call you from now on!” I have put my foot down, I have spoken – end of conversation. She just smiles and says “Okay, that’s fine” then rolls over and goes back to sleep. Well, so much for that. As far as Tom goes I’m willing to make a concession. The way I look at it if he is willing to continue to pay $15 a month for haircut the least I can do is let him call her ‘gorgeous’. I do need to support my wife in her career don’t I? I look at it as a value add type of thing.

All this heartburn just to be nice, forget about it. Now I know why men don’t like to speak. Ladies if you ever wonder why you husband doesn’t talk, it’s because of exchanges like this. Maybe on second thought I will call her ‘beautiful’ - just to keep the peace.