Bowling

News flash to whoever is charge of programming at the television networks. Bowling is not a spectator sport. Please don’t insult my intelligence and try to make me believe it is. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against going bowling. At times, I do believe it has its proper place in our society. It’s been my experience bowling is something you do either after prom or when there are no good movies in the theater or Blockbuster is completely wiped out. It’s also great for little kid's birthday parties if the roller skating rink is closed. Sometimes I’ll even suggest it when we have company from out of town and I must find a way to get out of the house. But trying to convince me to grab a bag of chips and a cold one to watch some overweight dude try to pick up the seven-ten split is ridiculous. I’d rather watch someone get a root canal on the Dental Channel (Tuesday nights 8:00PM – Just kidding, I made that up so don’t bother looking for it).

But don’t try to pawn bowling off on me as the “Next Big Thing”. Bowling is not the new NASCAR. I would venture to say that the same people who pulled off the NASCAR marketing coup are behind this stroke of genius as well. You can tell football season is over and the network execs are scrambling to find something to fill the space. Their task is probably even more difficult since hockey is on strike. Most of you probably didn’t even know there was a hockey strike did you? I guess that’s just shows how much hockey is missed. At least with hockey there is some action in between the fights. Be honest, if you ever watched hockey it was only to see a fight. My wife couldn’t tell you the first thing about hockey rules or strategy but she knows if she watches long enough she’ll see two guys knock the stew out of each other. But hey, now that we have "Desperate Housewives" - who needs hockey? Now that's a spectator sport.

Anyway, back to this bowling thing. I’m shocked and amazed, perhaps dismayed is a better word, that its come to this. I know that bowling has been on TV for many years but now they are applying the full-court marketing press to it. They are trying to make it seem ultra competitive and cut-throat. I have a difficult time looking at a guy in a gas station attendant’s shirt and thinking of him as a serious competitor. They even have taken out commercials to make bowling seem hip and cool. Now there's an impossible task. Trying to make bowling look cool is like trying to make me look cool. It ain't happening. Then there's "The Attitude" they try to give these guys. You've got the game faces, fist pumping and posing you see after every strike. It’s not like these guys just got around a 300 pound offensive line man and sacked the quarterback for third and long in front of 60,000 screaming fans. What's the big deal? I get strikes all the time when I play our bowling game on the computer! You knocked the pins over with your little ball – get over yourself. What’s next, spiking the bowling ball? Hey...now that would be cool. Maybe then I might be able to see someone get hurt…someone who deserves it.