X-Ray Vision

My kids like to make fun of me. That’s Okay – I deserve it. After all the years of teasing and ridiculing my kids, I am finally beginning to receive my comeuppance. They have found that there is strength in numbers and have figured out how to “get to the old man”. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a step slower than I was or that my mind isn’t as sharp as it once was. My kids know this too and take full advantage of it.

A couple of weeks ago we were sitting at the table eating dinner and I tossed out the question “Is the garage door closed?” To me it didn’t seem like that it was that dumb of a question. But my family thought it was the stupidest thing they had ever heard. They all kind of looked at each other and Kiel finally said “Gee Dad I don’t know let me get out my X-Ray Vision”. Smart Alec. I then realized what they were thinking– we’re inside the house, how are we supposed to know, we can’t see through the walls etc. I get their point but it is a new house and we’re not used to having a garage or garage door that needs to be closed. I knew someone had recently passed through the garage and it wasn’t me. I was hoping that someone would be kind enough to say “Yeah Dad I closed it when I came in.” or at least an “I’m not sure”. But instead I got grief.

What I didn’t mention was that when Kiel made his X-Ray vision statement that he also made “glasses” out of his fingers and put them up to eyes. His own X-Ray vision goggles. But instead of regular finger glasses, he turns his wrist towards face so the palms of his hands touch his forehead. They are kind of like backwards or upside down glasses. He looks really goofy when he does it, which is why he does it. So the rest of the night whenever I asked a question, Kiel would make his stupid glasses, make a stupid voice and say “X-Ray Vision”.

“Anything good on TV tonight?” – X-Ray Vision
“Could someone bring me some more toilet paper?” – X-Ray Vision
“Anybody using the computer?” – X-Ray Vision

This continued all night long. Kathy and Katlin would laugh until soda came out their nose. They thought it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. Kiel knew that this was getting under my skin – which is why he kept doing it. The more he did it the more they laughed. The more they laughed the madder I got. They madder I got they more they laughed. It was a vicious circle.

Then gang mentality kicked in and my wife got brave. She decided to get in on the fun and make fun of me as well. Only one problem, she has very short arms. So she can’t make the “X-Ray Vision” goggles. Her arms simply don’t turn around enough - their to stubby. She tried really hard to it but she couldn’t. So now instead of laughing at me, we are now all laughing at Kathy who is struggling to make these stupid glasses out of her fingers. She could get one side but not the other or she would contort he face in hopes that would help. It was quite pathetic actually. Ever seen anybody try to put a contact in their eye and they drop their jaw in hopes of stretching their face to get the contact in? This is what she did but only worse – Ugly, Very Ugly. She even thought that standing on her tiptoes would help. Bless her heart…she tried. I thought she was going to break her arm trying to make these stupid things.

Here's a picture of all of them, Kathy's an X-Ray vision disaster. It's not for the faint of heart. Look only if you if you have an empty stomach...