Nothing to Sneeze At....

"Honey could you pull into the drive-thru at the bank so I can deposit my work money?" my wife asked. "Sure, not a problem" I said. I pulled into the bank and surveyed the drive thru lanes. There was only one available lane with no cars, the other two lanes were occupied. I entered the open lane and pulled up to the little station and pressed the button. The drive thru at our bank is pretty cool. Besides having the whole cylinder and chute transfer thing that goes to the teller, it also has cameras and monitors. So when the teller is ready to help you, the TV monitor comes on and you can see your teller and they can see you. It's pretty nifty and makes this otherwise boring task kind of interesting.

I grabbed the cylinder, put Kathy's work deposit stuff in it and then pushed the button to send it all to never-never land. The vacuum kicked in and sucked up the cylinder faster than you could say "Deposit Slip". There was only one teller and she was busy helping the other cars who were there before us. We sat in the car and waited for the teller to help us. At some point the conversation between my wife and I ceased. We both quietly sat in my truck waiting to be helped. I kind of zoned out thinking about the yard work I was going to do when we got done. I'm not sure what happened next but all I felt next was a sharp pain in my nose. Before I could even say "Ouch", I heard my wife laughing - with vigor. I then realized what happened. It seems as we were sitting there my wife noticed that I had a nose hair that she 'found unattractive'. Instead of telling me about it, she decided to reach over and yank it out. Which is exactly what she did and what was the source of my pain. I looked at her but I couldn't talk. My eyes we watering and we both knew why. I was going to sneeze. Now when I sneeze, I just don't sneeze. I have full-body sneezes that come in groups of three. Actually I believe they're called convulsions. I sneeze so hard that my feet and arms go numb. I'm what you would call a "Power Sneezer" - It's quite violent and ugly. My wife knew that to induce a sneezing attack all she had to do was pull my nose hair. That's just plain dirty.

Realizing what was to come, my wife cringed against the passenger side door hoping not to get any 'over spray' on her. Fortunately for her my window was rolled down because of the impending banking transaction. I turned my head and began to sneeze out the window. The fist one hit "Boom", then came a second explosion more powerful than the first. I waited for the third but it didn't come. "That's strange" I thought "I normally sneeze in threes". Since I had a reprieve, I turned back to my wife and started to give her a piece of my mind. "You dirty, rotten little …" I began but I had to stop - the third sneeze was coming. It was a delayed reaction, I bought in to the false sense of security the delay had given me. "This one's going to be HUGE" I remembered thinking. Then things started to happen in slow motion. I turned back towards my window and did all I could to hold it in until my head was out the window. But I didn't completely make it out. My timing couldn't have been any worse.

I tried to keep my eyes open but it's almost impossible when you sneeze. The last thing I saw was the TV camera click on and our teller appeared. She had a "Oh-My-Goodness" look on her face and she seemed really, really close. It's because she was, my face was right next to the TV camera. I sneezed directly into the TV camera and what a sneeze it was. The truck shook, my voice echoed through the carport and when I finished I felt completely drained. Through the rain-drop like specs on the TV screen the surprised teller said "WOW! That was like 3-D! I'm glad I was in here!" I was completely embarrassed and didn't know what to say. The teller continued by saying "That had to hurt! Are you OK?" I reassured her that I was fine but that wife wouldn't be as soon as we hand finished at the bank.

I tried to play the whole thing off and quickly tried to change the conversation to the business at hand. The whole time my wife is snickering because of carnage she has caused. We finished up at the bank and headed for home. I'll just say it was a very long ride home for my wife. I don't think she cared too much though she got what she wanted - a humiliated husband.