Know What You Want

This is an example of the type conversation I have with my computer users. This is a composite conversation that I can have with about 3-4 of my "special" computer users. Although it’s not a actual conversation it is typical of the type of things they will ask me. Kathy read this before I posted it and said that she has the same type of thing happen when people come in to have their hair done. It's good to know it's not just me. It's always a good practice to know what you want BEFORE you ask for it.

User: I need help.
Me: Okay, what do you need?
User: I need you to run a report for me.
Me: Do you remember the name of the report?
User: You know, it was the one you ran last time.
Me: Sorry but I don’t remember which one that was. Could you be more specific?
User: No…I mean I can’t.
Me: What was it for? (confused)
User: It was for me. (Smiles broadly and pokes thumb in chest)
Me: I know it was for you but what did you use it for?
User: For my job. (Duhhh…)
Me: Hmmm…what did the report have on it?
User: Well…it was the one that had the information on it.
Me: And what information was that? (slightly perturbed)
User: It ummh…had the stuff about the….and then it had the….you know?
Me: Let’s try this, do you have a copy of the last report I ran you?
User: No….it’s been a few years since you ran it for… (realizes what he just said)
Me: A few years…wow…so it’s been awhile since I ran it for you?
User: Yes I believe so.
Me: And who was the President of the United States the last time I ran this for you?
User: (completely dumbfounded – wizzes right over his head)
Me: Okay..(pauses, rubs eyes and thinks to himself “What an idiot!)
Me: Let me see if understand this. You want me to run you a report. But you don’t remember what the name of the report was. Nor can you remember what it was used for or what information was on this report. You don’t have a copy of it because the last time I ran it for you Ronald Regan was President. Is that pretty much it or have I missed something?
User: No, that sounds about right.
Me: The only real piece of information that you have given me that was useful was when you walked in my office and said “I need help.” And you’re right you need help…lots of it. The kind of help that I can’t give you!
User: (stares at the floor)
Me: (looks for something to throw…..then begins to feel bad).
User: Sooo…
Me: Sooo? (raises eyebrows)
User: So, when can I get my report?
Me: (drops head on desk and begins to weep)